Secret relationships are short-lived and unsatisfying

The common notion that secret romantic relationships are intense and the gateway to a wonderful new world is about to take a beating. Psychologists from the University of Georgia found that such relationships tend to be short-lived and do not do well in the long-term.

The study, to be published in the March issue of Personal Relationships was co-authored by Craig Foster of the U.S. Air Force Academy.

"Secret relationships seem fun and exciting to many people, but the results of our research do not support that view," said Foster. "Individuals in secret romantic relationships consistently report lower levels of relationship quality. These results are inconsistent with a common belief that secret romances are fun and exciting. When individuals think of secret romances, they probably imagine late-night clandestine meetings where the potential for being caught enhances the romantic experience; however, a realistic portrait of romantic relationships reveals that maintaining secrecy is more frustrating than fun."

There has been little reseach on secret romantic relationships, the authors say. That "may be related to a belief that romantic secrecy is a blithe topic that does not genuinely affect many individuals." However, the lack of research may be seen as strange given the number of relationships that are secret and the stress they put on those involved.

The authors cite several reasons for romantic secrecy. Among them are homosexual, interracial or interreligious relationships. Workplace romances may also be kept secret to prevent issues from arising on the job.

The conclusions were drawn on the basis of three question-and-answer surveys given to undergraduate students at the University of North Carolina. The first study found that secret relationships had lower initial quality, with the quality decreasing over a two-week period. The later studies also found the relationships deteriorate rapidly during the initial weeks.

"Most of those in the survey didn't say they got involved in a secret relationship because it looked like fun," said Campbell. "The main reason is that they didn't want friends and family finding out."

It is curious then that secret relationships are potentially unsatisfactory for most people when they are the focus of many television shows, movies and books.

"Members of secret relationships likely observe others sharing their romantic relationship information with their friends, while they must continually inhibit the desire to share their own experiences," said Foster. "In the case of severe romantic secrecy, relationship members are required to lie about their activities and their relationship status for weeks, months or years. Members of stigmatized relationships, such as homosexual or interracial relationships, may experience additional frustration as the need for romantic secrecy is enforced by a greater social problem."

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